I have a bit of a conflicting personality. While I like my own space, have my own routines and spend a lot of time in my own little bubble, one of my biggest fears is being lonely. I think it all stems from being really homesick in university and being fearful about ever feeling that low again. But I’ll be honest and say that over the past year I have had bouts of coming quite close to that feeling.
I live alone, my boyfriend is currently abroad in New Zealand and has been since the end of last year, my family live at least an hour away and sometime I’m unable to arrange plans with friends due to extremely busy work schedules. It can leave me feeling a bit down about everything. Loneliness is definitely a real thing, and despite having such fantastic friends and family members, not being able to see them as often as I would like to can leave me in a bit of a rut.
But I’m trying to see the positives. This year has been the first year since I was 18 that I’ve had to be alone, and I feel as though I’ve really learned so much about myself. I’ve learned more about what I like and dislike, I’ve found I am pretty confident and independent in more ways than I thought, I’ve embraced new challenges, and I’ve actually surprised myself by doing things I would never have done alone before.
I’ve learned that I really love running. Getting out on a Sunday morning when it feels like I’m the only person awake, listening to the peace and quiet of the city as it starts to stir, and just going out and pounding the pavement with nothing but my thoughts for company. I’ve learned that going out for a walk at sunset on my own is good for the soul, especially when it involves strolling by the sea, and I’ve learned that being alone provides more time for hobbies, like photography, blogging and reading, and doing things that I want to do.
I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone on several occasions this year. I flew solo to New Zealand to meet Shane for a trip of a lifetime traveling the country by camper van, something I never thought I’d do. I have spent time meeting new people and visiting friends in different cities who I’ve met through blogging and online. I’ve pushed myself career-wise. Selfishly, living alone means you only have yourself to consider so I have been taking jobs that take me way out of my comfort zone; and while I’m still figuring out if contract-to-contract life is for me, I’ve been afforded with such amazing opportunities to improve my skills, boost my experience, and to meet new people and challenges.
Embracing your own company is hard. I find I’m often overthinking everything. With no distraction my mind is sometimes in overdrive, and there is a need to always keep busy and to always be on the go in order to not let myself feel lonely, which can be exhausting. But I’m learning. I’m getting better at doing my own thing, and embracing my own company.
Lots of love. xoxo