When I was a student I loved nothing more than having a late start and a morning off university. I’d have a lovely long lie-in, and I’d slowly get out of bed to wash and make breakfast, before returning to my snuggly duvet cocoon and eating my warm bowl of porridge in bed whilst indulging in some seriously guilty day time TV (yep, that’s right, I’m obsessed with Jeremy Kyle). I’d spend an hour or so catching up on some blog reading, chuckling along with This Morning’s Phillip and Holly as they took the mick out of Gino D’Acampo, before applying my makeup and getting dressed for university whilst listening to the Loose Women, spending most of the hour with my eyes rolled far back into my skull as one of them made yet another complaint about their “useless husband”.
Now, and I’m aware that this sounds completely ridiculous, mornings off make me feel stressed. They’re spent frantically searching for new job opportunities, so that I can get some applications planned out before I head to my afternoon retail shift. Or they’re spent worrying about internships and the fact that my measly 4 hour contract at a womenswear store means I am barely scraping out of my overdraft, let alone on a budget where I can afford to intern to reach my goals. There’s also the problem that job opportunities seem to be few and far between at present, and, despite knowing that I have a roof over my head, a steady income (no matter how small), and the support of family, friends and loved ones, it all feels pretty overwhelming and, at times, downright shit.
I know for certain I’m not the only one who feels this way. So many of my friends, both bloggers and those who I’ve known since I was 4 years old, are currently facing the struggle that comes between full-time education and finding full-time work. We’ve all worked so incredibly hard to achieve qualifications, our lives revolving around university, and now, at the end of it all, we’re feeling completely flat. What should be weeks of relaxing and enjoyment after all the hard work has come to an end, and before the next chapters of our lives begin, are in fact weeks of stress and worry as we try to make it in the world. Obviously this isn’t going to be the case forever. Jobs will come our way and our life path will continue to unfold before us. In a few weeks/months time we won’t even know what all the stress was about because everything will slot into place just as it always has. But when you’re living in this chaotic moment, you can’t help but feel that everyone has their life together, while yours is just spiralling crazily out of control.
I don’t quite know why I started to write up this post this evening. I was having a bit of a meltdown and felt that one of the only ways to divert it (okay, stop it as I was already mid-meltdown) would be to write it all out. To let all of the anxieties of life pour out into words on a page, and it’s helped. I guess what’s important here is having a little perspective. Realistically I’m not going to be spending the next ten years fretting about finding a job. I know in my heart that something will come up, and when I do find something I know I will completely give it my all.
For now, I should focus on the little things, like ensuring my health is paramount, taking time to meet friends and to spend with my family and boyfriend doing the little things I love. I should pour my heart into my blog and fitness regime; two things which I love that really do help to relieve stress and make me feel less useless. And, most of all, I should embrace those chilled mornings watching breakfast TV. After all, when it’s my time to start the next chapter of my life, mornings like these will be few and far between.
Are you currently on the job hunt?
Can you relate to this?
Lots of love. xoxo